It will be one year since my mum passed away tomorrow. I wasn’t too sure how to spend the day. I had planned to volunteer a couple of days before; after all, helping people would be a great way to keep myself occupied. I had also planned to carry out experiments in the lab and to work my tutoring job, as well. I thought putting my energy into positive activities would be the best option, it’s basically what I do every day.
But a death anniversary is not a normal day, and it’s not a day you can plan for. I realised last week that I wouldn’t be able to put things to one side like usual and get on with things. This day will mark a year since mum completely left us. It doesn’t matter that she hadn’t been herself for months before her death, because she was still with us even if things were different.
It’s the day that meant I would never speak to her again, cuddle her again or even see her again. No matter what, it marks the most significant change of my life.
I was terrified when I came to this realisation, as I would have to cancel work, university and volunteering which were scheduled to go ahead in less than a week’s time.
However, everyone who I spoke to was very understanding and realised how difficult it would be for me. Nobody made me feel bad and instantly said they would make sure everything would be sorted out. It made me feel so lucky to have such amazing colleagues who understand the pain.
It just goes to show that increased awareness of grief is making such a difference. I have had quite a few people say that I have educated them on grief and my experiences this week show that the work of the grief community is making an incredible impact. I hope one day for a world where the taboo surrounding grief is completely non-existent.