A Letter to Mum

Dear Mum,

Sometimes, just as I believe that I’ve come to terms with everything, it all comes crashing down again. I will go days as if they are normal, and I’ll live relatively ignorant to the gaping hole in my life. But suddenly, like a ton of bricks, it will hit me. You’re gone. You’re not coming back. You’re only in my life in spirit.

You would have been 56 this month. I spent my whole life thinking it wouldn’t matter what adversity I would be faced with because I would have you. Now, I am forced to face each challenge on my own.

I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to be strong. I want to have you again. I want to be able to curl up into a ball and have you tell me everything will be okay. 110% of the time you knew the answer, even when I couldn’t explain the question. Now life feels like taking an exam with no resources to refer to, I am just guessing my way through.

That’s the sad part of life though, isn’t it? Life is so beautiful, but it must come to an end. I just hope you are happy in your new life, and that I am making you proud in this one.

Tu es, et tu seras toujours, la meilleure maman du monde ❤️

Love Zenouska

Author: thisisthelifeofzen

Just a 23 year old who hopes to successfully share her thoughts on everything grief related - and maybe other topics too, one day

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