For a lot of these clothes shops online, you can put your birthday on your account, and you are entitled to some offer when the big day arrives.
Today I received an email telling me it’s two weeks until my birthday and I can enjoy a 10% discount. But my birthday is no longer a fun and exciting event, but a reminder of the pain my family and I went through.
Six days before my 22nd birthday, my mum passed away. I had been hoping she would live to see my birthday, to have just one more birthday with her. Even though she no longer knew who I was nor could respond to anything I said, just having her there would have been enough.
I imagine Queen Elizabeth may have felt similar on her birthday, which was not very long ago, but was close to the death of Prince Philip. It hurts to lose someone so close to you around the time when people would be celebrating. People often want to try to make your birthday better, which is kind, but nothing can change it.
I often forget that I have already experienced a birthday without her, last year didn’t feel like my birthday at all. It was a day spent telling people the unfortunate news. There was no room for thinking I had reached another year when my mum would never reach another year again.
This year, the idea of my birthday hasn’t come up at all in my household, as we are preparing to remember mum one year on from her death.
Interestingly though, I don’t wish for the day to have been different. It doesn’t really matter that she passed away on the 4th May. My problem is with the year, because it took her too soon. I wish it had not been 2020.